Why Compromise Shouldn't Be a Dirty Word
Now compromise, and all the baggage that clings to the verb, tends to spook the Indian bride. How much should she give in? Or should she give in at all? After all, she’s educated, financially independent and if need be, can stand on her own.
Yet, considering the kind of social structure we live in, bending a little to fulfill her role as a daughter-in-law and wife hasn’t hurt a girl yet.
In fact, there are several reasons why 'Compromise' isn’t (and shouldn’t be) a dirty word in the Indian woman’s dictionary. Here's why:
Happy in-laws = happy husband
Yet, considering the kind of social structure we live in, bending a little to fulfill her role as a daughter-in-law and wife hasn’t hurt a girl yet.
In fact, there are several reasons why 'Compromise' isn’t (and shouldn’t be) a dirty word in the Indian woman’s dictionary. Here's why:
Happy in-laws = happy husband
Since hers was a love marriage, Sheetal J knew from the get-go that she’d have to work hard to get her more conservative Marwari in-laws to adjust to her.
That’s why, the 25-year-old business consultant decided to take a break from work to play the role of a traditional daughter-in-law. Explaining her decision, Sheetal said, "We have to learn to balance the conservative with the modern. And to be happy all I had to do was take a step to reach out to my in-laws - for me, one step was to wear a sari at home for a couple of months."
She added that it was the simplest gesture she could make to reach out to her husband’s parents, and it definitely made her in-laws, and therefore her husband, happy. "It’s easier for someone with an open mind to adapt than to try and change someone with a conservative mindset. Eventually, my in-laws figured that I was uncomfortable in a sari, and they said it was okay if I didn’t wear one. So, though I got what I wanted, I made sure they were okay with it," Sheetal said.
The main thing is making the effort."
It keeps the family together
Getting married is all about give and take, as Nikita Kothari learnt. A practicing Jain, Nikita 25, never thought she’d marry a meat-eating Punjabi. "I’d always grown up thinking I’d marry a nice Gujju boy my parents chose for me. So deciding to marry someone who practiced what my religion strictly forbade was very a very big decision… I’d say it was a compromise between my love and my religious principles."
Yet her willingness to change her lifestyle - dressing more conservatively, and changing her profession to allow her to balance her home and work life better - meant her in-laws encouraged her to practice her own religion. This in turn, didn’t make Nikita think she sacrificed too much.
It means you find your happy ending
The Prince Charming of your reality isn’t always the same as the BMW-driving hero of your dreams. A girl’s got to give in somewhere, to find her happily ever after. For Minotee Dutta, 27, compromise meant moving to a new city.
For her, the move from Mumbai to Bangalore was a huge and scary change. "My parents chose my partner for me. So not only did I have to deal with adjusting into a new family, but also settling into a totally foreign place and learning a new language. Initially, it was a big adjustment," said the mother-of-one, adding, "Of course, I’m happy now! I don’t know if I would have been happier married to someone in my hometown, anyway."
Expert speak
"In the closest relationships of one’s life compromise is a very ill-fitting word. There is no space for compromise," said Dr Rajiv Anand, a Mumbai-based psychiatrist and marriage counselor."When we enter into a relationship, we have to surrender to it and accept the whole. After all, you’re not obliging [your partner]."
Deciding that marriage is worth making an adjustment or two isn’t such a bad thing, is it? What do you think? Leave us a comment and let us know.
