Spray that makes men caring

Spray that makes men caring

Women's prayers have finally been answered: Scientists have developed a spray which can make men sensitive and affectionate using a 'cuddle hormone'.

Forty eight healthy males participated in the experiment. Half received an oxytocin nose spray at the start of the experiment, the other half a placebo. The researchers then showed their test subjects photos of emotionally charged situations in the form of a crying child, a girl hugging her cat, and a grieving man. The test subjects were then invited to express the depth of feeling they experienced for the persons shown.

In summary, Dr. René Hurlemann of Bonn University´s Clinic for Psychiatry was able to state that "significantly higher emotional empathy levels were recorded for the oxytocin group than for the placebo group", despite the fact that the participants in the placebo group were perfectly able to provide rational interpretations of the facial expressions displayed. The administration of oxytocin simply had the effect of enhancing the ability to experience fellow-feeling. The males under test achieved levels which would normally only be expected in women. Under normal circumstances, the "weak" sex enjoys a clear advantage when it comes to the subject of "empathy". 

In a second experiment, the participants had to use their computers to complete a simple observation test. Correct answers produced an approving face on the screen, wrong ones a disapproving one. Alternatively, the feedback appeared as green (correct) or red (false) circles. "In general, learning was better when the feedback was shown in the form of faces", states Dr. Keith Kendrick of the Cambridge Babraham Institute in England. "But, once again, the oxytocin group responded clearly better to the feedback in the form of facial expression than did the placebo group". 

In this connection, the so-called amygdaloid nucleus appears to play an important role. This cerebral stucture, known generally to doctors as the amygdala, is involved in the emotional evaluation of situations. Certain people suffer from an extremely rare hereditary disease which progressively affects the amygdala. "We were lucky to be able to include two femals patients in our study group who were suffering this defect of the amygdala", says Hurlemann. "Both women reacted markedly worse to approving or disapproving faces in the observation test than did other women in a control group. Moreover, their emotional empathy was also affected". Hence, the researchers suspect that the amygdala could bear some form of co-responsibility for the effect of the oxytin. 

One of the effects of the hormone oxytocin, also called as cuddle hormone, is that it triggers labour pains. It also strengthens the emotional bond between a mother and her new-born child. Oxytocin is released on a large scale during an orgasm, too. This neuropeptide is also associated with feelings such as love and trust. Our study has revealed for the first time that emotional empathy is modulated by oxytocin, and that this applies similarly to learning processes with social multipliers, says Hurlemann. 

Why Compromise ?

Why Compromise Shouldn't Be a Dirty Word

Now compromise, and all the baggage that clings to the verb, tends to spook the Indian bride. How much should she give in? Or should she give in at all? After all, she’s educated, financially independent and if need be, can stand on her own.

Yet, considering the kind of social structure we live in, bending a little to fulfill her role as a daughter-in-law and wife hasn’t hurt a girl yet.

In fact, there are several reasons why 'Compromise' isn’t (and shouldn’t be) a dirty word in the Indian woman’s dictionary. Here's why:

Happy in-laws = happy husband

 
Since hers was a love marriage, Sheetal J knew from the get-go that she’d have to work hard to get her more conservative Marwari in-laws to adjust to her.

That’s why, the 25-year-old business consultant decided to take a break from work to play the role of a traditional daughter-in-law. Explaining her decision, Sheetal said, "We have to learn to balance the conservative with the modern. And to be happy all I had to do was take a step to reach out to my in-laws - for me, one step was to wear a sari at home for a couple of months."

She added that it was the simplest gesture she could make to reach out to her husband’s parents, and it definitely made her in-laws, and therefore her husband, happy. "It’s easier for someone with an open mind to adapt than to try and change someone with a conservative mindset. Eventually, my in-laws figured that I was uncomfortable in a sari, and they said it was okay if I didn’t wear one. So, though I got what I wanted, I made sure they were okay with it," Sheetal said.

The main thing is making the effort."

It keeps the family together

 
Getting married is all about give and take, as Nikita Kothari learnt. A practicing Jain, Nikita 25, never thought she’d marry a meat-eating Punjabi. "I’d always grown up thinking I’d marry a nice Gujju boy my parents chose for me. So deciding to marry someone who practiced what my religion strictly forbade was very a very big decision… I’d say it was a compromise between my love and my religious principles."

Yet her willingness to change her lifestyle - dressing more conservatively, and changing her profession to allow her to balance her home and work life better - meant her in-laws encouraged her to practice her own religion. This in turn, didn’t make Nikita think she sacrificed too much.

It means you find your happy ending

 
The Prince Charming of your reality isn’t always the same as the BMW-driving hero of your dreams. A girl’s got to give in somewhere, to find her happily ever after. For Minotee Dutta, 27, compromise meant moving to a new city.

For her, the move from Mumbai to Bangalore was a huge and scary change. "My parents chose my partner for me. So not only did I have to deal with adjusting into a new family, but also settling into a totally foreign place and learning a new language. Initially, it was a big adjustment," said the mother-of-one, adding, "Of course, I’m happy now! I don’t know if I would have been happier married to someone in my hometown, anyway."

Expert speak

 
"In the closest relationships of one’s life compromise is a very ill-fitting word. There is no space for compromise," said Dr Rajiv Anand, a Mumbai-based psychiatrist and marriage counselor."When we enter into a relationship, we have to surrender to it and accept the whole. After all, you’re not obliging [your partner]."

Deciding that marriage is worth making an adjustment or two isn’t such a bad thing, is it? What do you think? Leave us a comment and let us know.

What You Always Wanted To Know About Sex

What You Always Wanted To Know About Sex

Sex isn't always at earth shattering as Mills & Boons novels say it is. There are often problems, pain and psychological issues to deal with. Here, we've put together a list of 10 frequently asked questions women have about sex, and got our sexologist Dr Raj Brahmbhat to answer them.

Q: How do you tackle with pain during intercourse?A: If the pain is there at the time of intercourse, it can be due to local causes (surface area) or problems deep down (pelvic region). Use a good lubricating cream like KY jelly as well as an anaesthetic ointment.

There are several reasons for pain during intercourse. Newly married women will feel pain during initial intercourse; lack of lubrication due to less foreplay can also give rise to pain as can an infection in the vagina or pelvic region. Also hormonal changes during menopause cause the vaginal lining to become thin and one is prone to infections which can give rise to pain during intercourse.


Q: Does a ruptured hymen indicate the loss of virginity? How can one hide their previous sexual relations from their future partners?A: It's not possible to tell whether a woman is a virgin or not. There's no way a man can find out whether a woman has had sex with a previous partner unless she decides to tell him. The hymen can break due to various reasons like running or playing sports.

Q: How can I get pregnant? What should I do to ensure conception?

How to have sex to ensure pregnancy cannot be explained over the internet. However, some things can be kept in mind:
1) Sex is a learning process
2) Begin to explore each other's private parts
3) If you want to get pregnant, don't use condoms or lubricants
4) Any position is okay for conceiving
5) The best time to conceive is on the 14th day from the first day of the start of your period
6) Ask your husband to buy an illustrated sex book that you two can read through.

Q: Is masturbating with finger in vagina unhealthy or harmful?A: Masturbating with your fingers is quite safe. But before doing so, make sure that you wash your hands. See to it that your nails are also cut. Never douche the vagina. Also don't wash it with harsh anti-septic soaps. Some people use hand-gloves, because it provides hygiene.

Q: Is a white discharge a matter of worry?A: Discharge can occur when a person is sexually excited and in some women, it can occur before the menstruation period. Sometimes, it can occur during sleep as well. It can be due to bacterial or fungal infection. If it smells bad, then you need to go to your gynaecologist.

Q: Is oral sex normal and safe?A: Be aware that the law in our country does not permit oral sex. It is a punishable offence under the Indian Penal Code. That said, as long as the two of you enjoy the act, it's perfectly fine. You need to maintain hygiene in your vaginal area. If you have pubic hair, make sure you shampoo it. Oral sex is considered one of the variations of sex. Most men love it, and if a man isn't suffering from any STD, then it's quite safe.

Q: What should one do if her husband/boyfriend is not interested in having sex?A: You need to talk things through with your partner and ask him what the problem is and why he's not interested in sex. Professional pressures can take a toll on people. If he is professionally inclined, perhaps pressures from that end may be the reason. Explain to him that if you can't solve this problem, then it will lead to a variety of problems in your married life. Once you know the reason, you can either see a marriage counsellor or a sexologist.

Q: Can you have sex during pregnancy?
A: Yes, you can have sex, provided you have consulted with your gynaecologist and he/she has given the all clear. You also need to know where the placenta is. Your gynaecologist will have to do a sonography and do the required diagnosis before giving you the thumbs up.

Q: What are the best contraceptive pills? How are they better than others? A: It's better to use a condom to prevent pregnancy. However, to consume the right low-dose pills, you need to consult your family doctor or gynaecologist. Only after a check up can those pills can be prescribed. If you have had a medical history of jaundice or other such illness the pills may not be prescribed.

Q: How can you tighten the vagina?A: In case you want to tighten your vagina, you can ask your gynaecologist for information. Either your doctor or plastic surgeon can do reconstruction of vagina. You can also opt for hymeno-plasty to tighten it.

Need a Sex Detox?

Need a Sex Detox?

Yes, there is such a thing as getting too lucky? Here’s the 4-stage breakdown of the symptoms that point to a sex detox.

1. You overthink sex

Making love. Having sex. Doing it. Getting lucky. Getting laid. Getting jiggy with it. Whatever you call it — what’s on your mind is all of the above different degrees of the act of passion. You wake up reminiscing about it, rush through work fantasising about it, continue fantasising about it even as you do it, and hit the sack reliving it.

2. You morph into the Innuendo Hunter

You can’t resist cracking up (pun intended) when the dentist instructs you to open real wide and say “Aaah!”; the electrician plays around with wires and finally turns on the switch; the plumber bends over to fix a leaky faucet; you expect the pizza delivery guy/gal to strut in and show off some their best porno moves; you begin to mentally undress everyone you know — the plump menopausal neighbour, crabby old man at the local store. Need I say more?
 
3. It doesn’t really turn you on:

Not as much as it used to, anyway. But you’re too chicken to admit it; you’re the so-called sex addict, after all. You’ve come to expect too much from yourself, and get your bedroom buddy (buddies?) to expect so much from you that you’ve begun feeling dunked by the proverbial ice bucket. It now takes longer — and kinkier — to get you in the mood.

4. It’s even begun to (gasp!) disgust you:

The unparalled monotony of the act, the constant necessity to please, and above all, the obvious omnipresence of it all has made it seem banal, bordering on the boring and even mildly nauseating.

If the aforesaid has induced weak nods, it’s time for a sex detox. Go off the act for a month or so — no flings attached. And watch yourself soon gravitate towards the bedroom with renewed passion.

Sex positions that will take you there...

Sex positions that will take you there...

"The last few times we did it, I wasn't really satisfied. I had to fake an orgasm. How do I make it better for me?"

Sounds familiar?

Most of us women go through this situation. Sex isn't meant only to pleasure the male; so make sure you're not missing out on the fun, while he frolics around.

These are a few positions you could use to make sure you get to paradise along with him.

1. Woman on top

"The feeling of being in control can be a potent aphrodisiac by itself," says Dr Jagdish Shah, a sexologist. If you feel too exposed sitting astride your partner in bed, start off on the sofa where you can sit on his lap.

"This position is known to give a woman's clitoris maximum stimulation," says Dr Shah.

2. Old school

Enjoying the missionary position does not make you puritanical! Dr Rinky Jethani, a sexologist, explains many women love being dominated.

"This position can be explored in more ways than one. Talk dirty in each other's ears if you want to spice it up," she says.

3. Make him stand?

While you sit on a slightly higher surface. Since you are at the level of his waist, it doesn't take him much effort to penetrate you. You will be opening yourself up to him (figuratively and literally!), giving him a chance for better foreplay.

"Try this in the kitchen and get innovative. Grab some interesting food for the foreplay," recommends Nisha Maediratta, a 27-year-old writer.

4. Back to basics

This allows him to explore your back, a very erogenous zone. You will love the feel of his chest against your back. Nisha says standing behind you allows your guy to feel you up better. "You can't see him while he is standing behind you. So, his hands come around out of nowhere, increasing the thrill," she says.

5. Doggie style

This is a variation of the last position. Get down on your fours and let him take you from behind. "This stimulates the clitoris, leading to an orgasm," Dr Jethani says.

Do this on the bed if you don't want your knees complaining later!

This is just the beginning. Surf the internet or buy a book and try as many different poses as possible before you find the one you like the best. "Innovation makes sex more interesting," says Dr Shah?

Wild is as wild does! 

Why women settle for less sex

You said no to him yesterday; today you plan to tell him you have a headache. It’s not that you don’t want it, because you do. So then what’s stopping you?
According to Dr Uddhav Raj, a gynaecologist, women have a tendency to have high expectations from their partners. "And if their expectations aren’t met, they prefer having less sex. On the other hand, all men want is to have sex and get an orgasm as fast as possible," he says.
Our expert tells us the top five reasons why women settle for less sex.

Low body image

Women will go to any extent to keep their bodies in perfect shape and this can lead to disorders. "They want to look perfect while having sex and being overly self-conscious about one’s appearance can be extremely damaging to their sex lives," adds Dr Raj.

Scared to experiment

Women are generally scared to attempt new ways of having sex. "Some of them dislike the idea of mutual masturbation, oral sex and dirty talk. So, they tend to have sex less frequently in order to avoid trying new things," adds Dr Raj.

Lack of communication

In many cases, women may not be enjoying sex with their partners, as a result of which they remain sexually unsatisfied. But out of fear of hurting their partners, they end up not disclosing this. Gradually, they even make up stories to avoid having sex.

Stressed out

Women have to handle many things like work, the household and kids. By the end of the day, they are so exhausted that nothing seems nicer than a good night’s rest! Not even sex!

Feeling anxious

Women like pleasing their partners completely without compromising on anything. So when they feel they will not be able to do so, they prefer not having sex rather than disappointing their partner.

Now that you know the possible hurdles, get over them. Talk it out with your partner. It’s important to overcome these obstacles and enjoy mutual comfort with your partner to enjoy a good sex life.

Top 5 Foods for Awesome Sex

Top 5 Food for Awesome Sex

Don't blame your hormones the next time you feel like saying "not tonight honey". Blame your deliciously greasy dinner. According to Dr Rishi Bansal, a sexologist, the key to good sex is proper blood circulation. And to get your blood pumping, you need to eat food that is light, easy to digest and improves the blood flow.

Here are five foods you should include in your diet for some hot action in bed

Spinach
Popeye propagated only half the benefits of spinach. Leafy vegetables such as spinach contain vitamin E and iron, which helps produce more oestrogen the hormone that ups sex drive in women. And it ups levels of testosterone in men which means more action in bed! So here's another reason t have your greens.

Nuts
According to Dr Bansal, high energy equals good sex. "And nuts and dry fruits are a good source of vitamin B3, which increases your stamina," he says. So, keep these handy on a day you feel drained out. Give these to your man too as they help increase sperm count. And increased sperm count invariably means more sex.

Garlic
"Garlic increases heat in the body. When added regularly in your daily diet, it has a positive effect on your sexual hormones," says sexologist Dr Mahesh Bhagat. Just…don't forget to brush after you have it. Spicy food helps up your sex drive too as it balances the levels of hormones in your body. So, bring on the spicy curries! 

Fishy
Omega-3 fatty acids make your nervous system function more efficiently, making you calmer. A stress-free you is more likely to be game for action in bed. Fish also contains selenium, zinc and magnesium, all of which ups your sex drive. Include chicken in your diet, as they too are a good source of healthy fats and Vitamin B-complex that helps our system to release sex hormones.

Ginseng
Ginseng, a fleshy root has L-Arsine, an organic substance that increases the release of sex hormones during the act. It also gives you instant energy.

So now you know what to rummage for in your kitchen for some steamy sessions in bed.

Want Him to Behave Better ? Get Married !

Want Him to Behave Better? Get Married!

Behind every outgoing and sociable man, there is a woman. How many times have you heard, discussed with your girls and constantly told yourself that you taught your guy some 'manners' so that he knows how to 'behave' and now he is more 'civilized'? You would be happy to know that we have research to prove that married men have better social etiquette.

According to a new study by the Archives of General Psychiatry conducted by S. Alexander Burt, a behavioural geneticist at Michigan State University, married men are less antisocial. The study also suggests that men with less antisocial behavior are also more open to marriage.

The study was conducted on 289 genetically identical male twins when they were 17, 20, 24 and 29 years of age. It was found that the men who were less antisocial at 17 and 20 years were married by 29. Moreover, those who got married indulged in less antisocial behavior, like getting into fights, drunk driving and unwarranted aggression, after getting hitched.

So, next time your guy makes a face when you tell him that you made him more 'civilized', ask him to read this article! He'll know he's not the only one ;)

Wine Party Code

Wine Party Code: Accessories, Budget & Just Desserts!

It's that time of the year when you want to make every waking hour special, every meal an occasion, every party "rockin'" and every day the last of day of... well, the year 2010!  And there's nothing like making an impression with wine, especially if you throw a wine-themed party that leaves everyone with a "oh la la"!

Here's all you need to stock up your wine arsenal:

Wine accessories
Picking the right wine accessories is as important as picking the right wine. If you serve a light-bodied Chardonnay in a dark, opaque glass, your guest would neither be able to identify nor drink in the nuances of this easy-on-the-palate white wine.

Your wine arsenal will not be complete without the following: 1) wine glasses, 2) cork screw, 3) wine/ice bucket, 4) decanter and if budget permits, 5) wine cooler

1) Wine Glasses: Most hosts fail at stage one of throwing a wine-themed soiree - choosing the wine glasses! Wine educator and advisor Sonal Holland says to just go with the basic principle of serving wine in a clear, stemmed glass. "A bordeaux glass which is tall with a broad bowl is suitable for both red and white wine," she adds.

If you want to go extravagant with wine's chic cousin champagne, then Thomas Lignier, Brand Development Manager, Champagnes G.H. MUMM says, "Go with the 'flûte' (characterised by a long stem with a tall, narrow bowl on top). The champagne flute is the perfect glass to enjoy this bubbly in all it's glory. It keeps the wine fresh, lets you enjoy better the nice bubbles, and you can smell the floral and fruity aromas too."

2) Cork Screw: New-age wine bottles come with screw caps that can be easily unscrewed. But for old world wines or those that still sport the charm of corks, it is essential to have a cork screw to open it with ease.

3) Wine or ice bucket: Next comes the wine or ice bucket which will keep the wine chilled or at just the right temperature. Sonal suggests that you add water to the ice so that the wine cools uniformly. Thomas couldn't agree more and says that for champagne it is ideal to have "an ice-bucket full of ice and water to keep a bottled chilled between 8 and 10°C".

4) Decanter: A decanter is usually a glass bottle used to decant liquors, especially wine. In non-oenophile language, decanting means to aerate your wine or just letting it breathe. Usually trapped in the bottle for a long time, wines tend to open out and exhibit their true aroma and taste smoother when decanted for 20 minutes prior to serving.

5) Wine cooler: A wine cooler maybe an expensive proposition but if you are a budding connoisseur, then investing in one is imperative. Why? Well, simply because: a) with your wine collection increasing in size and variety, you'd need to store different wines at different temperatures, b) mould tends to form within the wine if you stick your bottle in the fridge for long and leave it next to foods that can ferment like dairy products (cheese, milk) and vegetables, changing the taste altogether. So, wine coolers allow you to store your wine at a stable temperature and give you more control than your fridge ever would.

Lastly, don't forget to have a linen cloth handy to wipe the bottle once it's taken out of the ice bucket, so that it won't slip out of your hand and prevent wine from dripping onto your clothes, says Sonal.

Budgeting for your party
So you want to impress but not break the bank while you are at it! Fear not. The easiest way to do it would be to throw a wine-tasting party and let each guest bring in a bottle of wine (set a cap for the amount spent on each bottle), so that you are still the hostess with the mostess. But if you want to show off your prowess, then pick inexpensive wines that have good aroma, flavour and body.

Sonal says, "For a formal dinner with a smaller set of people, don't go for entry-level wines; opt for good quality, single estate wines. For a bigger party, you may have budget constraints and may not neccesarily be able to budget Rs. 3000 for a bottle, so opt for good entry-level wines." The guests wouldn't care as much about how much you spent on the wine as about how well you paired it with the food. So, match the flavour of the food with the wine.

Desserts and wine
Want your happy ending? Then don't forget dessert... or dessert wine in this case! :) Yes, there is such a thing as dessert wine... They are typically sweet wines served with dessert. And yes, you can serve this kind of wine as "dessert" too sans the sweets.

But if you do want to pair a dessert with wine, choose a dessert wine which would be sweeter than the dessert you are serving.

Here are recos on sweet wines to match with Indian Desserts

• Spanish Pedro Ximenez (PX) Sherry with Gulab Jamun
• French Sauternes with Gajar Halwa
• German Trockenbeerenauslese with Rice Pudding / Kheer or Shahi Tukda
• Austrian or Canadian Ice Wine with Jalebis
• Australian Liqueur Muscat - Gujja with Khoya filling
• 10 year old Tawny Port with steamed Modak or Karanji

So now that you know more than a thing or two about wine parties, how about hosting one?

Street Food of India

Street Food of India, Femina magazine India Special, October 2010



Every city is a unique combination of tastes. And these are not served in air-conditioned restaurants, but on the street, where hungry citizens can grab a plate on the go. This is functional food, sold and eaten at a frenzied pace. And you really haven’t visited till you’ve tried these local favourites.

You can’t leave without trying…

Banta in Hrishikesh
There’s nothing like banta to beat the fierce north Indian summer. For the uninitiated, banta is an indigenous lemon soda sold all over north India in unique Codd-neck bottles with marbles in their necks to keep the fizz from escaping. The soda is served with loads of ice and a special masala, and is priced between Rs 5 and Rs 20.

Left: Chuski in Delhi. Louis Vuitton-ed ladies and street children alike find the lure of chuski—Delhi’s version of the ice-lolly—absolutely irresistible. When the mercury rises to the mid-40s, this crushed ice treat, drizzled with khatta meetha, cola, orange, rose or any other syrups the heart might desire, becomes a real favourite with Dilliwallahs.Even five-star hotels like Claridge’s serve chuskis, in exotic flavours and even spiked with Vodka.

Right: Lafing in Dharamsala Lafing is a spicy noodle dish that is a huge favourite with refugees in Dharamsala, although you’re likely to find this dish in Tibetan centres in other parts of north India as well.

 

Left: Sandwiches in Mumbai A sandwich doesn’t seem like a very novel idea. But when Right Place, a snack joint in Mumbai’s Breach Candy, simply layered potatoes, tomatoes, capsicums and onions between bread with a generous amount of chutney, and offered it grilled or plain, customers loved it like it was the best thing since sliced bread. This very filling snack costs Rs 60 only. To try something more adventurous, head to the stall near National College on Linking Road. Two slices of hot, buttery bread are packed close with grated cheese and a home-made jam of bananas, papaya and the fruit of the day, and then grilled till the cheese and jam blend together.

Right: Sugarcane in rural Bengal Banana leaves are an inalienable part of life in Bengal, especially on auspicious occasions, and sugarcane served in banana leaves makes the deal sweeter. While the rest of the country gulps down glasses of its juice on a hot summer’s day, villagers in West Bengal prefer to gnash into fresh sugarcane for better, stronger teeth, and to enjoy the natural goodness of the juice. Village boys participate in the sugarcane chewing competitions, and the winner gets yet another piece of sugarcane lovingly wrapped in a banana leaf. The real prize is the villagers’ pearly whites, for Rs 3 only!

Left: Pani puri on Juhu Beach, Mumbai Come weekend, and Juhu beach spills over with families and lovers enjoying the weather and waves. And no outing is complete without a spicy mouthful of pani puri while watching the sunset. Delicate puris are filled with potato, sprouts or boondi, topped with a dash of tangy tamarind sauce and generous amounts of spicy chilli- coriander pani. Bliss comes cheap at Rs 20 to

Rs 30 a plate (six to eight puris).

Right top: Ghevar in Jodhpur Deliciously crunchy and sweet, malai ghevar, paneer ghevar and misri mewa or rabdi ke ghevar are Jodhpur specialties popular throughout Rajasthan, especially during special occasions. Head to Jodhpur Sweets at C Road for the best there is, although most sweet shops will prepare fresh ghevar if you order it in advance. Ghevar is topped with thinly sliced almonds and pistachios and a sprinkling of cardamom powder.

Right bottom: Chhole bhature in Amritsar You can’t go to Amritsar and not try the chhole bhature. Spiked with dark, fiery masalas, the chhole here is irresistable. Anant Ram on Lawrence Road is a great place to sample this Punjabi delicacy.

Left: Tender coconut water on Marina Beach, Chennai Priced between Rs 15 and Rs 20 a pop, tender coconut water is the best bet on a hot day, and you can request the vendor to scoop out soft chunks of the coconut, which you can slurp up after. Coconut water at sunset equals sublime entertainment !

Right: Lassiwala’s special in Jaipur The best lassi you’ll find in Jaipur is available at Lassiwala, a street stall on the famous Mirza Ismail Road, close to Amrapali at Paanch Batti in Jaipur. The lassi here is so popular that only when Lassiwala runs out of its daily quota do the other shops (like Kishan Lal Agarwal) start selling their own. Lassiwala sells its rich creamy perfectly chilled lassi in kulhars or small earthen glasses. The locals swear by glasses of this fresh lassi, which they think is the perfect way to beat the desert heat. Head to Lassiwala early in the day, before they run out.

 

Left: Assamese bread in Goapalara Add some yummy to your ferry ride from Goaplara in Assam to Dimapur in Nagaland by munching on the local fresh bread. Grab some of it early in the day when it’s freshly baked and served wrapped in old newspapers.

Right: Chowmein in Kolkata In Kolkata, chowmein vies for the top spot with maach bhaat, and wins more votes, at least with younger foodies. You can have it any time of the day, it is inexpensive, hygienic, and you have options (chicken, egg, etc)—just some of the reasons it has emerged as Kolkata’s favourite food. Originally brought to Kolkata by the Chinese community, which started restaurants in Bow Bazaar and Tangra, chowmein street stalls later came up everywhere in the city. Now, every square kilometre of the city comes equipped with at least 15 chowmein stalls.

Right top: Ram laddoos in Delhi Ram laddoos are deep-fried moong dal pakoras, served with generous amounts of grated radish and mint chutney. A Delhi specialty, these snacks are sold at many public spaces, including at Lodhi Gardens, where vendors set up trays
laden with goodies, on their khomchas (tripod-like folding stands).

Right bottom: Woodlands’s dosas in Chennai Soft, fluffy uthappams, crisp, golden dosas, and the scent of coconut chutney in the air—Woodlands Hotel’s dosa stall outside Narada Gana Sabha on TTK Road promises all this and more! Try the masala dosa, an all-time favourite. The ghee roast is filling and great value for money, priced between Rs 25 and and Rs 50. Idlis, vadas and other fresh snacks are just
as popular. Open only in the evenings from about 5 pm, this is one of Chennai’s landmarks.

left top: Benarasi paan in VaranasiThe Benarasi paan is an important part of the city’s culture. Leaves are halved and a lime- and-catechu paste smeared on them. If you’re so inclined, your paan can be spiked with aphrodisiacs, intoxicants and even ground pearls, and covered with gold leaf or silver foil. Maghai is the most expensive kind, followed by Jagannath, and mitha and mahoba from West Bengal.

left bottom: Thandai in Varanasi Varanasi is justifiably famous for its thandai, that sugary cooling drink, infused with watermelon and muskmelon seeds, almonds, cardamom, saunf, rose petals, saffron, and if you want it, bhang! Thandai is also mixed with sookhaa mewa—crushed nuts such as cashewnuts, pistachios and almonds. Try the thandai at Mishrambu in the heritage city.

top right: Gulab jamuns in Delhi The halwais of Old Delhi are famous for their mouth-watering traditional mithais, like gulab jamuns and halwas. The best places are hole- in-the-wall little shops with no names, only advertising themselves with the heavenly scent of gulab jamuns being deep-fried in hot ghee.

bottom right: Lassi in Moradabad A tall glass of lassi is the drink of choice in north India during the hot summer months. Garnished with slivers of nuts and a generous helping of malai, a glass of thick, creamy lassi will keep you cool and hydrated. In small towns like Moradabad, ready glasses sit on a metal box containing ice, to keep them chilled.

top right: Phirni in Old Delhi Not too sweet, with a grainy but creamy texture, and infused with the cool scent of the earthen pot in which it is set, the phirni in Delhi is the perfect end to a meal. Chitli Qabar in Old Delhi is one of the best places to try this traditional dessert, or sample A-One’s superb phirnis that are priced at as little as Rs 10 a kulhar.

bottom right: Vada pao in Mumbai This is the Mumbaikar’s great weakness. Potato filling deep-fried in batter till crisp, and sprinkled with chutney, dark with garlic and masalas. There are many vada pao chains like Jumbo King all over Mumbai, but the taste that truly stays with you is sold in the ramshackle stalls on the road, especially outside local train stations.

Six People You'll Find in Every Office!

I present to you some of the typical office specimens (and I am certain you've encountered them yourself) that make every office a happy place.

Srini, the Quintessential IITian
Straight out of one of the country's IIT corridors, this Srini practically runs the IT department of any organisation. I bet many of you don't even know what he looks like. His head is usually buried deep into his PC and Srini can be found lurking the office at the oddest hours.

Shetty, the Food Mogul
Anna, as this creature is fondly referred to, controls almost all office canteens (besides the zillion Udipi eateries across the country). Consequently he also controls you. A happy Shetty means palatable food for the day. The Shetty is known to fiercely guard his domain. We once had a Sharmaji who dared to co-host food services in our office canteen. Egged on by employee support, he even tried to expand his services. And then Anna struck. Overnight Sharmaji was out. Anna rules again – the canteen and us.

Iyer, the Moneyman
Gold-rimmed spectacles and a 'tilak' adorning his forehead are the typical trademarks of this Iyer. Iyer runs his own fiefdom and has a number of other "Iyers-in-the-making" buzzing frantically about him through the day. The "Srini" has made life easier for "Iyer" by loading his computer with wacky programs, but Iyer still has his desk strewn with papers and post-its. Iyer perhaps does the most tiresome job in any organisation and is only remembered as the month draws to a close.

Julia, the Boss's Secy
Need I say more? No one can guard the boss's door like Julia can. Meticulous, upright, prim n' proppah, she clickity-claks into office at the dot of 9am and is out at the dot of 6pm, come hell or high water. Beware of Julia, she can be your best friend or your worst enemy. With her, it's always good to be the former.

Shekhar, the Errand Guy
For all those of you who still haven't warmed up to the idea of net-banking and can't get off those swivel chairs, Shekhar should be your best buddy in office. Who else will willingly drop off your late fee cheques and run your personal errands during office hours? Don't forget to occasionally reward him though.

Rahul, the Sales Studmuffin
The world is at his feet. His poise and gait reek of confidence (or ahem… over??) that's undeniably an acquired quality, fine-tuned over time. He smooth talks everyone in office (all the above included but mostly Julia) and knows how to get this way through 'the door'. An achiever and a charmer – what would office be without him??

5 Ways to Unwind from a Stressful Job

Is your job wearing you out? Are you working late hours with nerve-racking deadlines? May be, it’s time you took a break to rejuvenate. After all, the stress at work has its way of getting under your skin after a while. 

Gather your gang and hit the beach or better still, throw a massive slumber party – the choices are plenty. But we give you five super ways to unwind and reap the benefits!

Travel Bee
Take a holiday to a destination you’ve always dreamed about - Paris, Barcelona, Brazil, wherever you fancy! Soak in the culture, savour the exotic cuisines, shop till you drop or just lounge around. You’ve earned it.  Plus, you won’t just add to your knowledge of a new place but also you’ll have so much to tell when you’re back that you are bound to turn your colleagues green with envy!

Miss Bond
The long work hours have left you with little time for your family and friends. So how about spending some quality time bonding with them? Go for long drives, catch up over coffee or simply call them over for a dinner party. It doesn’t have to be very elaborate, just enough to let your friends and family know that they mean a lot to you. Besides, what’s the point of earning all that money if you can’t spend it enjoying with those you love.

Me, Me, Me
Chances are you haven’t pampered yourself in a long time. Take time off and focus on you. It can be a weekend at a spa or even shopping for a new wardrobe. Put your responsibilities aside and live in your bubble! It’s good to indulge yourself every now and then. It helps boost productivity too!

Goodbye Daily Grind!
No one likes a monotonous life. A little time away from work can do wonders for you and your career. A weekend getaway or a day-long trek would help you reconnect with nature and clear your thought. Not only will you get a break from the hustle and bustle of daily work, but when you get back you’ll also be refreshed and ready for the adrenaline rush that deadlines bring.

Talent Hunt
Use your time off to enroll in a class that’s unrelated to your field of work. It could be dance, photography, pottery or even paragliding! Take up something that’s completely alien to you and see what it’s like. Who knows, maybe your new hobby can even turn into a part-time profession.
Taking a break is a great way to revive yourself and have some fun. So live a little and fufil your crazy fantasies while you’re at it!

10 Smart Phone Etiquette Tips

What's with every Tom, Dick and Harry roaming around with a hi-tech business phone trying to feel important? Most of them are up to nothing constructive and barely even know how to do anything other than call, text, click photos and update their Facebook status! But that's not my problem. What really irks me is when the little monster shows up to a nice dinner and keeps on buzzing like a baby crying for attention.

That's why I put together 10 tips to help you use that smart phone with discretion.

1. If you're on a date at a restaurant (or just having a meal with family, friends, or even alone) put your phone on silent and leave it in your bag. Make a habit of enjoying your meals. It doesn't even last an hour. Plus, you can always return the missed calls, reply to messages or check email once you're done.

2. Travelling by public transport and find it hard to hear what the person on the other end of the line is saying? Instead of shouting your lungs out, annoying fellow passengers and letting everyone in on your conversation, tell the person you'll call back. How hard is that?!

3. In an office meeting, make sure your phone is on silent/ vibrator mode. It's the decent thing to do when your boss is addressing you. If the call is absolutely urgent, excuse yourself for a minute before answering. P.S. Walking up and down the aisles talking loudly (and persuasively) to clients makes us want to take your phone and flush it down you know where.

4. When you are contacting a friend after a long time, do not text. It's most impersonal and conveys you are doing it out of obligation. Pick up the phone and call for heaven's sake!

5. Never carry your cell phone to the restroom. If you do, make sure it stays in your pocket. It's really creepy when you mysteriously hear someone from one of the stalls engage in a full-fledged conversation that you have no desire to eavesdrop on.

6. Always put your phone on silent at a place of worship, hospital, theatre, funeral... you get the drift. If the incoming call is urgent, leave the premises or find a secluded spot to answer it. Talking in such places is plain impolite.

7. Everyone needs to unwind after a long day – a couple of drinks with friends, club-hopping or just a good ol' movie with your spouse. Relax and appreciate the company you are with and don't tweet 'Hving a blast with my gal pals'. Aarghh! If you really are having a good time, you'd be too occupied to go viral about it.

8. Just because you're up all night strategising, doesn't mean you SMS your colleagues at 2am with some brainwave you just had! Reserve that for the next work day or since you are so tech-savvy, send an email.

9. Set your ring tone as per the occasion; that's why your smart phone allows you to select various profiles. That Cuppy Cake ring tone in a board meeting is a strict no-no. Another annoying thing is when you go through the millions of ring tone options or check voice mail in public. We don't want to hear it!

10. When you're waiting your turn at the doctor's, playing games on your phone is a great way to pass time. Just make sure your phone is on silent. It's unfunny when we're made to listen to constant sound effects especially if we're reading a magazine.

Break out of the 9 to 5 Routine

Ever notice how work life makes you do the same thing day in and day out? Hit the snooze button on your alarm at 7am, jump out of bed 45 minutes later, shower, read the paper, catch a crowded train, go through the motions at work, head home in another crowded train, watch TV and hit the sack! It makes me wonder: Is that all I'm supposed to do everyday of my life for God-alone-knows how many years? There's got to be more to life than the "9 to 5"! And there is. All it takes is breaking the routine!

That's why I put together a few things I think you should include in your oh-so-busy schedule that will bring back that zest for life.

Try new things
Do you know happy people try out new things? No, I didn't make that up. Here's a study that proves it. So go out there and do something different.

Give up your usual haunt every now and then to try out a new restaurant/ a foreign cuisine, watch a play or experience a new spa therapy (say a Doctor Fish foot spa?). It doesn't even have to be expensive. My new mission is to visit places I haven't been to in my own city. So a few weekends ago, I took my nephew to the Nehru Planetarium, Mumbai to star-gaze! Our next trip is to the Prince of Wales Museum :)

Make a difference
We all want to change the world but resign ourselves to the fact that we can't! But what we can do is contribute a little to change. Now, if you think that donating to charity counts, it doesn't. Get hands-on. Volunteer at an orphanage, a hospital, an aged home or a school whenever you can. My youth group organises a Christmas party for orphanage kids year after year and I can never tire of seeing those kids' faces light up when we arrive!

Appreciate nature
Why spend your life-savings on a European tour to experience nature? Our country has so many beautiful places that I bet you've never been to. Take at least one trip every year to discover a new place. Trust me, you'll come back rejuvenated and your productivity will improve too. But you don't have to wait for those trips. The other day I was sitting at the promenade and just the sight of the sun disappearing into the horizon did it for me! 

Read for inspiration
The newspapers are so depressing… bad news and more bad news! So how about reading something refreshing/ inspirational? I find reading my Bible on my commute to work helps me shut out the noise and get my mind off the long day ahead! But if that's not your cup of tea, spend a day at a library. Skim through books, discover new authors and learn new facts. In the words of Mark Twain, 'The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.'

Take on tasks

You know how some people keep referring to their job titles in a conversation? As much as it annoys me, I can't blame them. They do nothing else so they find their identity in their job. Use your time outside of work to do something constructive. Get the neighbourhood kids together and have a clean-up drive, organise a pot-luck among your colleagues, help a girlfriend plan her wedding, join an environment club; there are tons of things you can come up with. Just put on that thinking cap!

Watch foreign cinema
I can OD on mindless romantic comedies. In fact, I can watch three films back-to-back on a Saturday. While I'm not about to give that up, I've lately come to appreciate some less commercial foreign films. No that I'm anti-desi but the non-clichéd plots, refreshingly new characters and just the sound of a new language (though I can't understand it and have to follow subtitles), is stimulating.

Meet old friends
Work really causes us to lose touch with people or worse still, stay in touch 'coz we never know when we'll need them'. Relationships need nurturing and you don't need me to tell you that. Pick up the phone; call a school friend, a long-lost cousin or an ex-colleague who you really hit it off with. Plan a meeting next weekend and make the effort to stay connected. You don't want to be a poor ol' lonely soul when you are old and grey, now do you?

Help a stranger
Everyone appreciates a random act of kindness. And there's nothing to beat the feeling you get doing some nice for someone you don't even know. Offer a seat to someone in the bus, let an elderly person get ahead of you in a queue, help a child cross the street. The other day it felt so good to just give a cabbie my cell phone to call his family. He hadn't gone home in two days!

10 Annoying Email Habits

Personally, I think email is such a fabulous invention! (It's fast, it's free, it's eco-friendly and it's easy.) And that's precisely why I can't seem to fathom how people somehow manage to ruin a perfectly good thing. Wondering what I'm talking about? From spam and chain mails to ridiculous email ids, here are 10 things you really shouldn't do with your email!

1) Probably the easiest way to show how juvenile you are would be to pick an email id like sexyroxy or ivegonebananas or shahidsweety. Sure it'll be a hit among your "circle" of wannabes but if you so much as try to use that email address for anything remotely professional, you can be sure you're going under. Resumes I read with those email ids generally hit the trash can first!

2) It's an email, not an SMS. So why would you use SMS lingo? Spending half an hour deciphering what you're trying to say is really not my idea of fun. I'd probably just junk your email anyway and pretend like I never received it in the first place.

3) Sending an occasional forwarded message (say a bunch of funny photos or a howlarious joke or even a social awareness message) is cool. But keep up that incessant spamming with ridiculous quizzes, spooky forwards that claim to bring bad luck for 7 years and other cr** I have no time to read and you'll only make your way faster into my "blocked" list. BTW there's a term for this disorder you suffer from. It's called forwarditis!

4) Big, fat, ugly fonts - I hate these with a vengeance. It's in no way artistic. Besides, I have perfectly good eyesight and don't need you to highlight, colour or capitalise your text.

5) This one usually happens in offices. Everyone is marked on an official email that requires you to mail back with some personal detail. You hit 'Reply all' and let the whole world read your details. Quite frankly, I don't want/ need to. Spare me the details and don't waste my inbox space!

6) Then there are the email wars! This is between two people who insist on arguing (or in their words 'sorting out differences') on a group email while the rest of us get an update every two minutes. Take it offline for heaven's sake!

7) When you want to send mass e-mails about some good cause or the other, always (and I repeat always) use the BCC field to enter e-mail ids. Bad enough I'm receiving a forward. It only gets worse when that creepy guy on your mailing list gets hold of my email address and tries to "make friendship" with me.

8) Another thing that really irks me is when people mail me with dozens of attachments that are so heavy it takes me all day to download. Haven't you ever heard of zipping files? What's worse is when they mail you files that only play in some software that you'd never think of downloading even in your wildest dreams.

9) Ever had a friend or colleague who always ended his e-mail with an annoying tagline? My advice to him: Stop trying so hard to sound cool, witty or whatever else it is you are going for by ending your emails with catchphrases like 'I don't drive fast, I fly low.' When you do it in Flash, the emails get heavier and I only dislike you more!

10) Here's another annoying habit: Sending an email that's all about the attachment and there's no attachment! Guess there are so many people that do this that Urban Dictionary actually coined a term for it - "attachment disorder."

Do you know of any other annoying things people do with their emails?

Smart Work for a Smooth Holiday

The time for your Diwali vacation with the family is finally here. And with the excitement building up, it's difficult to work a day prior to jetting off, isn't it?  But it is your responsibility to ensure that you don’t leave your peers in a dilemma due to your absence. All you have to do is make sure everything is in place and you can have a tension-free vacation!

Set an auto-reply
You may receive work-related emails while you are away. Setting up an auto-reply will tell your colleagues and clients why it will be a while before they receive a reply from you. Alternatively, you could give the email address of a colleague who can be contacted instead of you.

Don’t carry the burden
Work overtime if you have to, but complete all pending work. It would be highly unprofessional to leave behind work your boss may need while you are away. You don’t want your vacation interrupted by calls from office. Plus, you can enjoy yourself better if you know you’ve done everything you need to.

Hand over work
If there are projects or assignments in the pipeline when you are leaving on your holiday, make sure you hand over this work to the right co-workers. Planning will show that you are a professional and responsible worker.

Leave contact details
You have to account for emergencies. However much you hate being disturbed on vacation, your boss or colleagues may need to reach you. Make sure the roaming service on your mobile phone is enabled.

Clear it out
Empty the dustbin, throw away unnecessary papers and file all your documents properly. Tell your colleagues where everything is so they can find files easily if they need them. A tidy desk will welcome you when you are back from the holiday.

Your boss will obviously know you are going to be away. If there are others who need to know this - colleagues and clients - make sure you inform them before you leave.

શું વહેલી સવારના સપના સાચા પડે છે?

એવુ મનાય છે કે સપનાઓ તમારુ ભવિષ્ય બતાવે છે અને તે ભવિષ્યની શક્યતાઓ તરફ સંકેતો આપે છે. જો તમે તમારા સપનામાં મળતા સંકેતો સમજી શકો તો તમે તમારા ભવિષ્ય વિશે આગાહી કરી શકો છો.

જ્યોતિષીઓ માને છે કે વહેલી સવારે એટલે કે સવારે 3થી 6 વાગ્યા સુધીમાં જોયેલા સપનાઓ સાચા પડે છે.

અહીં કેટલાક સંકેતોનો અર્થ આપીએ છીએ જે તમારુ ચોક્કસ ભવિષ્ય જણાવી શકે છે.

- જો કોઈ વ્યક્તિને સપનામાં પોતે ડાન્સ કરતી, ગીત ગાતી, સંગીત સાંભળતી કે પછી સારા મૂડમાં મજા માણતી જુએ તો તે સારુ લક્ષણ છે. એનો અર્થ છે કે તમે તમારા સાથીને બહુ જ જલ્દીથી મળવાના છો.

- જો તમને સપનામાં ભેંસોની જોડી તળાવમાંથી પાણી પીતી જોવા મળે તે સુખમય લગ્નજીવન સૂચવે છે.

- જો તમને તમે તમારા સાથી સાથે બગીચામાં ચાલતા દેખાઓ તો તે સંકેત છે કે તમને તમારી પસંદનો જીવનસાથી મળશે અને તમારૂ કૌટુંબિક જીવન સફળ અને સંતોષકારક રહેશે.

- જ્યારે કોઈ છોકરી પોતાને ડાયમંડ જ્વેલરી પહેરેલી જુએ ત્યારે તેના લગ્ન ઊંચો હોદ્દો ધરાવતા છોકરા સાથે થઈ શકે છે.

- જો કોઈ છોકરી પોતાને બંગડી પહેરતી જુએ તો એ સંકેત કરે છે કે તે પોતાના મનપસંદ સાથી જોડે જલ્દી લગ્ન કરી શકશે.

- જો તમે સપનામાં પોતાને ફળ ખાતા કે ફળોનુ જ્યૂસ પીતા જુઓ તો એવુ મનાય છે તમારા લગ્નસંબંધોમાં અણબનાવ બની શકે છે.

- જો સપનામાં રીંછ દેખાય તો માનવુ કે તમારા પ્રેમજીવન કે લગ્નજીવનમાં કોઈ ત્રીજી વ્યક્તિની દખલગીરી થઈ શકે છે.

અયોધ્યા ઈતિહાસનું ટર્નિંગ પોઇન્ટ (Secularism)

ભારતીય સેક્યુરિઝમનું પોત સુતરાઉ કાપડનું છે, નાયલોનનું નથી. ભારતને મહાત્મા ગાંધીનો સર્વધર્મ-સમભાવ સદે, નહેરુનું ધર્મશૂન્ય સેક્યુરિઝમ ન સદે.




આદરણીય મોરારિબાપુ રામભક્ત છે માટે સેક્યુલર છે. તેઓ સેક્યુલર છે માટે રામભક્ત નથી. મૌલાના વહિદુદ્દીન ખાન સાચા ઇસ્લામના ઉપાસક છે માટે સેક્યુલર છે. તેઓ સેક્યુલર છે માટે ઇસ્લામના આલિમ નથી. ફાધર વાલેસ ઇસુભક્ત છે માટે સેક્યુલર છે. તેઓ સેક્યુલર છે માટે ઇસુના ભક્ત નથી. બધા રામભક્ત મોરારિબાપુ નથી હોતા. બધા મૌલવી મૌલાના વહિદુદ્દીન ખાન નથી હોતા. બધા પાદરી ફાધર વાલેસ નથી હોતા. ધર્મનો મર્મ ભુલાઇ જાય ત્યારે બાહ્યાચાર લોકોમાં એવી ડંફાસ મારતા ફરે છે કે પોતે જ ધર્મ છે. ધર્મના ક્ષેત્રમાં જે પિત્તળ હોય તે પોતાને સોનું ગણાવતું રહે છે. બિચારું સોનું છોભીલું પડી જાય છે, કારણ કે ઘણાખરા લોકો પિત્તળને જ સોનું માનનારા હોય છે. જલાલુદ્દીન રુમી કહે છે કે જગતમાં બનાવટી સોનું છે તે બાબત એટલું સાબિત કરે છે કે ક્યાંક અસલી સોનું હોવું જ જોઇએ.



અયોધ્યાના વિવાદનો જે ચુકાદો આવ્યો તેને ઈતિહાસનું ટર્નિંગ પોઇન્ટ કહેવાનું કારણ શું? જવાબ સાંભળો. છેલ્લાં સાઠેક વર્ષથી આપણા દેશને ત્રણ પ્રકારની કટ્ટરતા પજવતી રહેતી હતી: (૧) હિંદુ કટ્ટરતા (૨) મુસ્લિમ કટ્ટરતા અને (૩) સેક્યુલર કટ્ટરતા. જ્યાં કટ્ટરતા હોય ત્યાં અલ્લાહ ગેરહાજર હોય છે. જ્યાં કટ્ટરતા હોય ત્યાં તર્ક અને ન્યાય ગેરહાજર હોય છે. કટ્ટરતા સ્વભાવે ઝનૂનવર્ધક હોય છે. જ્યાં ઝનૂન હોય છે ત્યાં વિચાર ટકી શકતો નથી અને વિચાર ન હોય એવી ભીડ છોડીને ધર્મ ભાગી છુટતો હોય છે. કટ્ટર હિંદુત્વ એ ધાર્મિક અપરાધ છે. કટ્ટર મુસલમાનત્વ એ મજહબી ગુનો છે.



કટ્ટર સેક્યુરિઝમ એ બૌદ્ધિક બદમાશી છે. આવી ત્રણ પ્રકારની કટ્ટરતા પર સૌથી મોટો પ્રહાર અયોધ્યાના વિવાદ અંગે આવેલા ચુકાદા દ્વારા થયો છે. ભારતીય સેક્યુરિઝમનું પોત સુતરાઉ કાપડનું છે, નાયલોનનું નથી. ભારતને મહાત્મા ગાંધીનો સર્વધર્મ-સમભાવ સદે, નહેરુનું ધર્મશૂન્ય સેક્યુરિઝમ ન સદે. ઘરે પ્રેમથી મળવા અને જમવા આવેલા મિત્ર આરફિ મોહમ્મદ ખાને કહ્યું: ‘હિંદુ કે મુસ્લિમ વોટબેંકના નામે રાજકારણ રમવાના દિવસો ગયા.



હવે કોમવાદનું રાજકારણ નહીં ચાલે, પરંતુ વિકાસ અને પ્રગતિનો જ એજન્ડા ચાલશે.’ સેક્યુલર હોવા બદલ જેમણે સૌથી વધારે વેઠ્યું, એવા મુસલમાન નેતાનું નામ આરફિ મોહમ્મદ ખાન છે. He is secularism personified. સો ટચનું સેક્યુરિઝમ જોવું હોય તો એકવાર ઇસ્તંબૂલ જવા જેવું છે. ત્યાં આવેલું સંત સોફિયાનું ચર્ચ ઇ.સ. ૫૩૭માં બંધાયેલું. આટલું મોટું અને આટલું જૂનું ચર્ચ મેં જીવનમાં કદી જોયું ન હતું. એ ગ્રીક આર્થોડોકસ ચર્ચ હતું. ઇ.સ. ૧૪૫૩ની સાલમાં એહમદ બીજાએ કોન્સ્ટંટટિનોપલનો કબજો લીધો પછી આ ચર્ચ મસ્જિદમાં ફેરવાઇ ગયું. પૂરાં ૪૮૧ વર્ષ સુધી એ મસ્જિદ બની રહ્યું. એ વર્ષો દરમિયાન ચર્ચની અંદરની ભીંતો પર ઇસુ, જોસેફ અને વર્જિન મેરીનાં ભવ્ય મ્યુરલોને મુસ્લિમ શાસકોએ કોઇપણ પ્રકારનું નુકસાન ન પહોંચાડ્યું. મસ્જિદમાં વળી કોઇ અવતારની કે વિભૂતિની ભવ્ય છબી ટકી શકે? કલ્પના કરવી પણ મુશ્કેલ છે.



મસ્જિદ તરીકે એ ઇમારતમાં નમાજ પઢાતી રહી, પરંતુ ચર્ચમાંથી એક પણ છબી હટાવવામાં ન આવી. સગી આંખે જોયું કે ભીંત પરનાં ભવ્ય મ્યુરલો પર કપડું ઢાંકી દેવામાં આવ્યું હતું. સન. ૧૯૩૪ સુધી મસ્જિદ તરીકે જાણીતી એ ઇમારતમાં એક ક્રાંતિ થઇ. કમાલ અતાતુર્ક જેવા ક્રાંતિકારી શાસકે એ મસ્જિદને મ્યુઝિયમમાં ફેરવી નાખી. પહેલાં ૯૧૬ વર્ષ ચર્ચ તરીકે અને પછીથી ૪૮૧ વર્ષ મસ્જિદ તરીકે રહ્યા બાદ આ ભવ્ય ઇમારત ઈતિહાસની સાક્ષી બની રહી.



આવી જ ઘટના ઇસ્તંબૂલમાં આવેલા કોરા ચર્ચમાં પણ બની હતી. એ ચર્ચ પણ મસ્જિદમાં ફેરવાયું હતું પણ પછી ચર્ચ બન્યું હતું. એ ચર્ચ ઇસુ પછીની ચોથી અને આઠમી સદીમાં બંધાયેલું. એમાં મ્યુરલો દ્વારા ઇસુ અને માતા મેરીની જીવનકથા પ્રગટ થઇ છે. યાદ રહે કે ૯૯ ટકા જેટલી મુસ્લિમ વસ્તી ધરાવતો દેશ ટર્કી સેક્યુલર ગણતંત્ર ધરાવે છે. ઇસ્તંબૂલમાં અમારી હોટેલનો માલિક મુસલમાન હતો અને એનું નામ જિસસ હતું. ટર્કીમાં કેટલીય મુસ્લિમ છોકરીઓનાં નામ મેરી હોય છે.



લોર્ડ ભીખુ પારેખ હિંદુ છે અને દિલથી વિશ્વમાનવ છે. અમત્ર્ય સેન વિશ્વમાનવ છે, પરંતુ પોતે હિંદુ છે એમ કહેવાનું ટાળે છે. તારીખ ત્રીજી ઓક્ટોબરે મારા સૌથી પ્રિય મુસલમાન આરિફભાઇ અને આદરણીય મિત્ર ભીખુભાઇ ભોજન માટે ઘરે આવ્યા. અમારી વાતો ‘કેવળ’ સાડા ચાર કલાકો સુધી ચાલી! આરિફભાઇ પોતાનું તાજુમાજું પુસ્તક ભેટ આપતા ગયા : ‘Text And Context: Quran and Contemporary Challenges’ (Rupa, Delhi). હું અને ભીખુભાઇ સાંભળવાના મૂડમાં હતા. આરિફભાઇ અયોધ્યા વિવાદના ઈતિહાસની ઝીણામાં ઝીણી વિગતો અત્યંત અધિકારપૂર્વક અમારી સમક્ષ પ્રગટ કરી રહ્યા હતા.



તેઓ ઉત્તરપ્રદેશના મુસલમાનોની બદલાયેલી માનસિકતા અંગે એવાં એવાં ઉદાહરણો આપી રહ્યા હતા કે જેમાં રાજકારણની દુર્ગંધ ન હોય. મુલાયમસિંહ યાદવે જે કહ્યું તેનો વિરોધ મુસલમાનો તરફથી થયો. એકતાની આબોહવામાં જે ભંગ પાડે તે રાજકારણમાંથી ફેંકાઇ જશે. તેમણે આર.એસ.એસ.ના સરસંઘચાલક ભાગવતના નિવેદનની પ્રશંસા કરીને જણાવ્યું કે બધા બદલાયા છે અને હજી બદલાશે. ચર્ચા ચાલુ હતી તે દરમિયાન મલેરિયામાં પટકાયેલા આદરણીય મોરારિબાપુએ ફોન પર બંને મિત્રો સાથે વાત કરી. ભીખુભાઇએ મીઠી ટકોર કરી : ‘બાપુ, અમે માંદા પડીએ તો ચાલે, પરંતુ તમે માંદા પડો તે કેમ ચાલે?’



સાંઇ મકરન્દ દવે પુરાણકથા (માઇથોલોજી)નું સૌંદર્ય સમજાવતી વખતે કહેતા કે પુરાણકથા પરા-ઐતિહાસિક (પેરા-હિસ્ટોરિકલ) છે. કેટલાક લોકો કોર્ટના ચુકાદાને શ્રદ્ધા પર આધારિત ગણાવે છે. વાત એમ છે કે સાચો ન્યાયમૂર્તિ કાયદો, તર્ક, હકીકત અને સાબિતી ઉપરાંત પરિસ્થિતજિન્ય શાણપણ ધ્યાનમાં રાખે છે. ન્યાયમૂર્તિ એસ. યુ. ખાનની ભૂમિકામાં ભારોભાર વિવેકની આણ રહેલી છે. સોલી સોરાબજી જેવા ન્યાયવિદે ચુકાદાને માટે કહ્યું કે ન્યાયમૂર્તિઓએ ભારે હિંમત બતાવી છે. ‘ધ ટાઇમ્સ ઓફ ઇન્ડિયા’ (૧પ-૯-૨૦૦૭)માં સેક્યુલર કટારલેખક જગ સુરૈયાએ રામ માટે જે શબ્દો કહ્યા તે કાન દઇને સાંભળવા જેવા છે. એમના શબ્દો સાંઇ મકરન્દની વાતને ટેકો આપનારા છે. સાંભળો :



રામ કેવળ વાસ્તવિક નહીં,

પરંતુ અતિ-વાસ્તવિક છે.



Ram isn’t real,

He is hyper-real.

The myth or hyper-reality is

more real in the sense of

being more constant than reality.



ઘણા ખરા લોકો ધર્મનું ફળ ચાખવાને બદલે કેવળ ફળનું છોડું જ ચાવતા રહે છે. કોમી હુલ્લડો કાયમ છોટલાવાદીઓ વચ્ચે જ થાય છે. ફળનો ગલ ખાનારા કાયમ લઘુમતીમાં હોય છે. અયોધ્યાના લાંબા વિવાદનો ચુકાદો આખરી નથી. કોર્ટની બહાર સમાધાન થાય એથી રૂડું બીજું શું હોઇ શકે? આપણે તો એટલું જ ઇચ્છીએ કે વોટબેંકનું રાજકારણ અને ગંદું સેક્યુરિઝમ ખતમ થાય. ગાંધીજીએ રામાયણને ‘જગતનો સર્વોપરી’ ગ્રંથ ગણાવ્યો હતો. છેલ્લાં સાઠ વર્ષ દરમિયાન પ્રજાએ ગરીબી ઉપરાંત બીજું ઘણું ઘણું વેઠ્યું છે. એકતાની આબોહવાને નષ્ટ કરે તેવી કોઇપણ હરક્ત પ્રજા ચલાવી નહીં લે. સમન્વયનો સંદેશો અયોધ્યાથી અજમેર સુધી અને ચરારે શરીફથી રામેશ્વર સુધી ભલે પહોંચતો. ગાંધીજી ‘સનાતની હિંદુ’ હતા માટે વિશ્વમાનવ હતા. તેઓ વિશ્વમાનવ હતા માટે ‘સનાતની હિંદુ’ ન હતા.